11/17/2007

What do I care?

It seems that in this world, every single person I know has their own battle to fight.

Some are deeply hurting due to choices they've made. Others are suffering as a result of another's actions.

It's guaranteed that people are going to experience pain in this life. Grief over losing a loved one. Heartache over the break up of a family. Frustration and an urge to fix things as we watch others make bad choices who then continue on to suffer the consequences of those choices.

I'm trying to discipline myself to go beyond the cursory "how are you" as I talk with others. I really do care about what's happening in their lives but even I am prone to ask the age old question only expecting the usual answer of "fine."

I am sometimes surprised by what people have to say if their answer isn't "fine."

I asked someone that today. He first said "it could be better, but do you really wanna know?" Of course I wanted to know so I encouraged him to share. This guy and 4 of his buddies had flown here to Saskatchewan from Maine for a hunting trip. The only luggage that arrived with them 2 days ago were their rifles. The other 8 bags of luggage between them had not yet made it to Saskatoon. They arrived at the airport with no luggage and then proceeded to the budget booth where they had booked a vehicle over 6 months ago. Budget did not have the promised vehicle so this group of guys wound up having to pay another 1100 dollars in order to get 2 smaller vehicles than the original larger one that was requested. As a result of having to wait for their luggage, these guys have had to book motel rooms for 2 or 3 nights which was yet another unexpected cost to them. Then, one of their vehicles got a flat tire. They drove all over Saskatoon looking for a place who would be willing to fix their tire. They went to 5 or 6 places and finally came to my place of work. We were able to do this for them. I'm sure they'll never come to Saskatchewan again after this terrible start to their hunting trip. I felt terrible for them.

The whole point of me explaining this is that it really does matter when you ask someone how they are doing. These guys weren't having a very good go of it but they were glad to have someone to vent to a little bit. I sure didn't mind listening. I know that sharing things can help relieve the frustration levels, even if it's just a little bit.

Here's a few questions for you to think about:

Have we become blind to what's happening in the lives of those around us?

Would we rather be ignorant to the needs of others so that we don't feel the pressure to care?

Are we so wrapped up in ourselves that we have lost all desire to focus on anyone else?

Are we scared that people might ask us how we are truly doing and we would prefer to keep that secret?

Do we know how to respond to someone who doesn't answer "fine"?

Where are you at?

Think about it.

6 comments:

enji said...

kinda speechless right now. it really feels good that someone cares and someones gonna be there.
thank you auntie candace.
and remember that if you're even not "fine", i love to listen too.
i promise

enji said...

(and by even- i meant ever)

Candace said...

Thanks Enji...you're a sweetheart.

Anonymous said...

I must say that I'm not looking forward to that question a dozen times today at church. I'm choosing to say 'fine' because I'm not going to whine my terrible past 11 days to everyone even if it weren't terribly personal.

I understand and appreciate the authenticity, but I don't have the energy or desire to tell everyone. I can't get the people who matter to listen (the doctors), so why waste my breath further on those who are not in a position to provide a solution?

Sorry to be a downer. I'm glad you could listen to the problems those guys faced and I hope it helped them. Why did I take the time and energy to whine my issues here? I think because my point is that sometimes, not always, 'fine' is just better for everyone.

Candace said...

I wasn't saying that one has to always be that detailed in how they're doing. I was just exploring the idea of what would happen if we were to share of ourselves just a little bit more.

I can totally see why you'd go that route with answering "fine." I know that I'd do the same thing.

Anonymous said...

good one girl.